Tonight, I was thinking randomly of things I should have done in my life for the past years. Have I done enough? Or I have done nothing? I’m twenty-three and I haven’t accomplished anything yet for myself and my family. I wanted to do a lot of things but I don’t have the courage to pursue what I really love. I love to travel but there are lots of things to be considered. I love to see the world around me and rise up to what I love. I need to step up my game but how? Am I financially stable? No. Am I free of any responsibilities? No. I love my family the most and I wanted to give them everything that they haven’t experience in their lives before. My parents were my inspirations. Imagine for how many years of hardships and still they haven’t paid off. I couldn’t imagine myself leaving them behind and follow my selfish ambition. I am always stuck in the middle of my self-doubt. I need to do something but how?
I tried to change my habits but I can’t. I was really worried and afraid. I’m a lonely person inside as well; a very lonely person that I sometimes couldn’t handle my frustrations. Do I need to change my track for the better?
Yes, I am intelligent but is it enough to step up my game? No. Financially I am not stable at the moment but how I wish I could overthrow this crisis in my life. I’m always the best person in my job but I felt I was left behind. I was not able to enjoy my years in school because I was focused on getting higher grades. But I believe the important lesson in this experience is that you need to handle pressures in life smoothly and you should always focused in making decisions on your own. At the end of the day you need to believe in yourself and nobody else will do things for you but you alone.  When I’m alone I always asked myself have I done enough? When I doubted myself I just loosen myself a little bit. I just go out and feel my environment. Sunset is the most beautiful thing on Earth. It makes me realized that we all need to take a rest and become a much wonderful individual in the future. I really need to redeem myself. So I am setting my future goals for you guys to know. Please help me achieve these goals.
1.      I should visit at least five destinations in the Philippines especially Batanes, Palawan, Bohol, Siargao and Albay.
2.      I will have my left-handed guitar.
3.      I will have my own house and lot when I turned 40.

Please give me a lot of courage to handle every frustration that will come if I really can’t achieve what I have written. This is your Manong Junjun!

Tonight, I was thinking randomly of things I should have done in my life for the past years. Have I done enough? Or I have done nothing...



I envisioned
that you
hold my
hands
so tight.
I feel
the warmth,
the current
on my
chest.
'Till the cocks
in the twilight
screamed
" Your just dreaming!"

I envisioned that you hold my hands so tight. I feel the warmth, the current on my chest. 'Till the cocks ...



Dedicated for my mother whom I love most in the world!


Her breast was a fountain of life
She was a giver of warmth
Though she has nothing
She was happy.

Dedicated for my mother whom I love most in the world! Her breast was a fountain of life She was a giver of warmth Though sh...



My songs are my pillows tonight
They know when I’m sad
They know me more than you
They are my lullabies when you’re gone.

You know what really hurts me?
Only the wind during twilight hugs me
I can only hear the whispers of dead souls
And here you are innocent as a baby.

How long will I wait for you?
I’m too exhausted of this game
Only the corpse of the past
Knows how much I want you.

The cold breeze of February
Reminds me of my manhood
That we will never be together
That I can breathe without you.

Take off the curtains
I don’t need to hide
I need to see the world
And tell them I need nobody.

Someday you’ll understand
The reasons behind my silence
I do miss you
But I‘m afraid I was only a dust in the past.

I will never end up ruined
I will show you my power
I can be somebody else
I can be the enemy you feared to be.

Trust me I can handle all the pains
I can definitely erase you in my mind
Everything will turn to me
And I will crush you piece by piece.

I’m tired of chasing you
I’m running away
I will never go back
To the past that leaves me speechless.

My songs are my pillows tonight They know when I’m sad They know me more than you They are my lullabies when you’re gone. Y...




Noong bata pa ako punung-puno ako ng pagmamahal. Nabusog at nalulong sa pagmamahal ng magulang. Kaya ko na sabi ko pero, di pa pala. Masakit masaktan lalo na pag nagmahal ka ng buo. Ganon ako eh. I give everything to the person I love most. Pero pag ako nasaktan, sobra-sobra. But I am a stong independent person today. I can stand alone but sometimes naiimagine ko ang buhay ko kung saan may nagmamahal din sa akin. Yung may mapagsasabihan ka ng mga karanasan mo sa buhay. Ang saya siguro ano kung uuwi ka at may kakamusta sa araw mo, may maghahanda ng panghapunan at may magmamahal sayo kung sino ka man. Pero alam nyo po sa 22 years ko sa mundo sa palagay ko hinding-hindi ako magsisising single ako. Sayang lang at di ko pa natagpuan ang taong kukumpleto sa mundo ko. Kailangan ko nga ba ng taong kukumpleto sa akin o mabubuhay akong mag-isa at masaya.
Lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko kaya ko na. Oo, kaya ko pero may mga bagay talagang masasaktan ka. That’s what I am afraid of. Ang magising balang araw na hindi na masaya sa pinili kong buhay. Pinili ko ang mag-isa dahil takot na takot akong mareject at masaktan. Marupok ako eh. Ang dami kong insecurities sa buhay. Di naman ako gwapo, walang pera, puro lang  hangin sa ulo. Oo masaya ang tao sa palagid ko pag kasama ako. Pero sa likod ng mga halakhak ko eh puro sakit ng loob at pag-iimbot. Kaya please kailangan ko lang naman ng makakausap, yun lang naman ang gusto ko eh, ang may taong magbibigay ng oras nyasa mga kwento kong walang kabuluhan. Di ko naman pinipilit ang pagmamahal mo. Makasama ka lang kahit saglit okay na ako.
Oo inaamin ko nagmahal din ako ng sobra. Kaso di ko sinabi sa kanya to dinaan ko lahat yun sa biro para di nya mahalata pero sa araw araw na nakikita ko sya sabi ko mahal na mahal ko talaga sya. Yun yun eh. Ganyan tayong mga independent kong tawagin. Akala ng iba we can handle such frustrations na somebody you love eh di maibalik ang pagmamahal na gusto mo. Pero mahirap po ang pinagdadaanan naming. Sometimes we also need companion para lang maaliw at maalis lahat ng sakit.
Wala akong karanasan sa dating or lovelife ang gusto ko lang eh maging masaya sya. Gusto ko pag nakikita ko sya, dapat nakangiti at punong-puno ng inspirasyon sa buhay. Gusto ko syang maging best sa pinili nyang buhay. Gusto ko rin na balang araw kung itatakda. Magiging masaya ako pag napili nya ang taong para talaga sa kanya.
I want to say this to you. Mahal na mahal kita pero duwag ako men super duwag. Kaya baby malaya ka na. Pag nagkita tayong muli. Ako yung taong di mo na yata makikilala. Nais ko sana’y bigyan mo ako ng konteng katahimikan. Wag ka na munang sumagi sa puso ko. Dahil sa pagtagal mo mas lalong sumasakit ang puso ko.
Oo kaya ko na pero di naman na pag sinabi kong kaya ko eh kaya ko na agad. It takes a lot of courage and time.
Baby this is my message to you. Make me proud sa lahat ng endeavours na gagawin mo. Make yourself the best you. Always remember I’m here love you always.
Alam nyo po pag kasama ko sya napapangiti nya ako. Pag may mga mood swings ako. Di yan tatalab sa charisma nya. Smile palang nya wala na ako. At parang pinagtatagpo kami ng tadhana. Ngayon we are on the same company again. Akalain mo yun! Ang saya ko knowing na we will be as a team again. Payatot yun eh. Pero doon ako nainlove. Hahaha. Tawang-tawa ako sa sarili ko inlove na ba talaga ako? Ang problema ako lang mag-isa ang nagmamahal paano mo masasabing mutual yun?
How sad naman po. Pero kung minsan nasasabi ko na rin sa sarili ko keri na yan. Balang araw kaya ko na!

Noong bata pa ako punung-puno ako ng pagmamahal. Nabusog at nalulong sa pagmamahal ng magulang. Kaya ko na sabi ko pero, di pa pala...


          Life without Christ is pointless. This phrase reminds me of a homily from a priest in our barrio. He is one of the brilliant priests I have ever met. He was confident and loyal to his faith. This leads me to become a churchgoer.
Way back when I was a little curious creature about my faith, I was inclined to this phrase. I always let people know I do things according to God’s will. I have been an active church leader and there I gained a lot about what exactly my faith is all about. And so, days became years of service in church. I put myself in Christ whom I believe was my friend. I joined a lot of religious groups, I prayed the rosary and novena, and I also joined numerous youth gatherings. My life was filled of Christ-centred activities. I feel I was loved.
But as time passed by and I aged faster that I could imagine questions emerged and confusions became frequent. Why do I do this? What exactly faith means? Is He really alive? Why do people go to church and still do things the same as they use to be? Another factor is that I got a really tough job after I graduated in college. And this triggers me to stop everything. I cut ties to Christ whom I use to believe was with me. I don’t go to church anymore not because I don’t have time but because of what I have noticed. A lot go to church for some reasons: to date with loved ones, to show newest trends of clothing, to be seen by many, the worst to pretend how religious he or she. It was so disgusting to see those people. In addition to these, some of our priests were not loyal to their vows.
I became Judas of my own. I want to go to church but I couldn’t. I became ashamed in front of Him. I do things on my own. I tried everything that was considered negative. And to tell you honestly, I love what I am doing. What’s bad is good to me. Evil sparks in my being. I became independent human who wants to set free. I was drowned to negativity which leads me to become lonely. Yes, I do have friends and family but I can’t feel them anymore. I was numb to love and became addicted to loneliness.
My dreams turned into nightmares. My world became dull and plain. I was too proud of myself that I was close minded to every criticism I heard. I let evil succumbed me. Sometimes, I wish I was an idiot who doesn’t care about his life. No worries and pain and just live his life the way it is. How I wish I am ordinary.
Please help me to be me again. Pray for me.

          Life without Christ is pointless. This phrase reminds me of a homily from a priest in our barrio. He is one of the brilliant ...


I remember when we first met; you’re one of the most adorable creatures I ever known. The most angelic face and the most modest attitude of all times belong to you. One time I saw you playing in the fields with your girl friends and there I realized how brilliant you would become someday. You keep on asking a lot of things from the people around you. How things started, can you try it, can you do it? You were awesome. You enjoyed the company of others because you learned something from them and they learned so much more from you. In your elementary days in the barrio, you were comfortable just reading a few books, learning how to write, learning how to pronounce new words and then when you’re bored you’re done. You tried to ask help from your loving father and mother but they themselves can’t understand how you think. So, they decided to pursue your schooling until high school. They should. Why? Because you were born gifted. Who among your friends were consistently on the top of your class until graduation? It’s only you! You alone! Oh don’t forget being the model boy as well. It was fresh in my thoughts how happy and proud your father putting your medals on your special day.

In high school we became more cognizant about anything; you learned how big the world is. Competition heats up with others who wanted to be on top as well. You learned to be stronger and fiercer. You learned that life is more challenging than you expected. You became busier, more subjects to pass, more activities to overcome. Then you became the apple of the eye in the class, you gain more friends but a lot of them stub you at the back. I personally hate them than you know. I never asked you about life in that moment because I know you can still handle the pressure. Thanks to your ever supportive parents who gave you the comfort and happiness whenever you needed it. High school also was a battle between you and money. I remember one scenario in your life that your parents were broke and what you have for dinner was a cup of hot coffee. All five of you were looking at each other, then silence fill the room and you decided to sleep because you can’t do something about it because you’re too young. But the battle was become victorious on the day of your graduation. You still defended your title and became the valedictorian of class 2005. What an achievement isn’t it?

Now, one more to go and you will find a decent job I supposed. You tried to take exams on the biggest universities in town. You never disappoint me when you learned that you pass the UPCAT. You wanted to study AB mass communication but you decided to put broadcasting journalism on that piece of paper when you applied in UP but it doesn’t matter now. I know how hard it is to let go for such wonderful opportunity. So you decided to enrol at Aklan Catholic College where you tried to tell yourself that it’s the best school in the whole province of Aklan.  From then, you stepped at the school’s entrance and realized how bigger the world is. It is bigger that you expected it. You saw beautiful and handsome faces which you’re a little bit jealous because you knew to yourself that you can never be like them. With so much passion and hard work in college you became popular for being one of the brightest in the campus considering that you came from a barrio and a public school graduate. In college, the struggle is real isn’t it? Friends became your foes. They lead you to discover more about material things in life. And as a fragile man-curious about the world you ended up enjoying anything what the Earth was offering to you. You tried to go on night outs till dawn, you tried to taste liquor, but thank God you never tried drugs and cigar. NEVER! As time passed by, challenges were beating you. In your second year in college your mother asked you to stop schooling but you never gave up. Thanks to the intervention of your relatives abroad that they send you money to continue your education. In third year, you were on track again and took the medal for being one of the dean’s list. At least you tried again. I was surprised to see your mother that day, crying so much on stage for she realized how you struggle to have that medal. The story behind was that you went back home with the news that you were on top again but to your surprised no one can put that medal on on your recognition day because money was the biggest issue. You decided to go back to Kalibo without anything on your pocket. You asked the student counsellor that you will be the one to put that medal on because you believe that you were worthy for that medal. And so the ceremony started and your mother was there to put that medal on to you. The crown was filled with emotions and they all took a round of applause for both of you.  She cried like a baby in front of many. From then on you realized how important life is. You continue being on top and receive Magna CUM Laude in college.

You were one of the most excited bachelors after your graduation because you believe that after graduation many good companies would hire you. But what shocked you was that it’s a battle between brains, fame, experience and power. You ended up unemployed for almost three months and their came Cebu Pacific. The salary was a little bit low but you have no choice because you have no more money to find another decent job. Now I can see you as a full grown man. You decided on your own. You travelled a lot. You discovered new things. You encountered a lot of brilliant people. You were really a full grown man. Before I went to say goodbye, I wanted to tell you something. Happy twenty second birthday I hope your plans will all became real. You should continue to be the Winston that we all known and loved. Have the courage to pursue your dreams and be a blessing to others as always.

Oh I forgot. It’s me, your conscience. Happy birthday!

I remember when we first met; you’re one of the most adorable creatures I ever known. The most angelic face and the most modest a...

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