Umbra In Musk
I envisioned
that you
hold my
hands
so tight.
I feel
the warmth,
the current
on my
chest.
'Till the cocks
in the twilight
screamed
" Your just dreaming!"
Ma
Dedicated for my mother whom I love most in the world!
Her breast was a fountain of life
She was a giver of warmth
Though she has nothing
She was happy.
Midnight Snack
My songs are my pillows tonight
They know when I’m sad
They know me more than you
They are my lullabies when you’re gone.
You know what really hurts me?
Only the wind during twilight hugs me
I can only hear the whispers of dead souls
And here you are innocent as a baby.
How long will I wait for you?
I’m too exhausted of this game
Only the corpse of the past
Knows how much I want you.
The cold breeze of February
Reminds me of my manhood
That we will never be together
That I can breathe without you.
Take off the curtains
I don’t need to hide
I need to see the world
And tell them I need nobody.
Someday you’ll understand
The reasons behind my silence
I do miss you
But I‘m afraid I was only a dust in the past.
I will never end up ruined
I will show you my power
I can be somebody else
I can be the enemy you feared to be.
Trust me I can handle all the pains
I can definitely erase you in my mind
Everything will turn to me
And I will crush you piece by piece.
I’m tired of chasing you
I’m running away
I will never go back
To the past that leaves me speechless.
Kaya Ko Na!
Noong bata pa ako punung-puno ako ng
pagmamahal. Nabusog at nalulong sa pagmamahal ng magulang. Kaya ko na sabi ko
pero, di pa pala. Masakit masaktan lalo na pag nagmahal ka ng buo. Ganon ako
eh. I give everything to the person I love most. Pero pag ako nasaktan, sobra-sobra.
But I am a stong independent person today. I can stand alone but sometimes
naiimagine ko ang buhay ko kung saan may nagmamahal din sa akin. Yung may
mapagsasabihan ka ng mga karanasan mo sa buhay. Ang saya siguro ano kung uuwi
ka at may kakamusta sa araw mo, may maghahanda ng panghapunan at may magmamahal
sayo kung sino ka man. Pero alam nyo po sa 22 years ko sa mundo sa palagay ko
hinding-hindi ako magsisising single ako. Sayang lang at di ko pa natagpuan ang
taong kukumpleto sa mundo ko. Kailangan ko nga ba ng taong kukumpleto sa akin o
mabubuhay akong mag-isa at masaya.
Lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko kaya
ko na. Oo, kaya ko pero may mga bagay talagang masasaktan ka. That’s what I am
afraid of. Ang magising balang araw na hindi na masaya sa pinili kong buhay. Pinili
ko ang mag-isa dahil takot na takot akong mareject at masaktan. Marupok ako eh.
Ang dami kong insecurities sa buhay. Di naman ako gwapo, walang pera, puro
lang hangin sa ulo. Oo masaya ang tao sa
palagid ko pag kasama ako. Pero sa likod ng mga halakhak ko eh puro sakit ng
loob at pag-iimbot. Kaya please kailangan ko lang naman ng makakausap, yun lang
naman ang gusto ko eh, ang may taong magbibigay ng oras nyasa mga kwento kong
walang kabuluhan. Di ko naman pinipilit ang pagmamahal mo. Makasama ka lang
kahit saglit okay na ako.
Oo inaamin ko nagmahal din ako ng
sobra. Kaso di ko sinabi sa kanya to dinaan ko lahat yun sa biro para di nya
mahalata pero sa araw araw na nakikita ko sya sabi ko mahal na mahal ko talaga
sya. Yun yun eh. Ganyan tayong mga independent kong tawagin. Akala ng iba we
can handle such frustrations na somebody you love eh di maibalik ang pagmamahal
na gusto mo. Pero mahirap po ang pinagdadaanan naming. Sometimes we also need
companion para lang maaliw at maalis lahat ng sakit.
Wala akong karanasan sa dating or
lovelife ang gusto ko lang eh maging masaya sya. Gusto ko pag nakikita ko sya,
dapat nakangiti at punong-puno ng inspirasyon sa buhay. Gusto ko syang maging
best sa pinili nyang buhay. Gusto ko rin na balang araw kung itatakda. Magiging
masaya ako pag napili nya ang taong para talaga sa kanya.
I want to say this to you. Mahal na
mahal kita pero duwag ako men super duwag. Kaya baby malaya ka na. Pag nagkita
tayong muli. Ako yung taong di mo na yata makikilala. Nais ko sana’y bigyan mo
ako ng konteng katahimikan. Wag ka na munang sumagi sa puso ko. Dahil sa
pagtagal mo mas lalong sumasakit ang puso ko.
Oo kaya ko na pero di naman na pag
sinabi kong kaya ko eh kaya ko na agad. It takes a lot of courage and time.
Baby this is my message to you. Make
me proud sa lahat ng endeavours na gagawin mo. Make yourself the best you.
Always remember I’m here love you always.
Alam nyo po pag kasama ko sya
napapangiti nya ako. Pag may mga mood swings ako. Di yan tatalab sa charisma
nya. Smile palang nya wala na ako. At parang pinagtatagpo kami ng tadhana. Ngayon
we are on the same company again. Akalain mo yun! Ang saya ko knowing na we
will be as a team again. Payatot yun eh. Pero doon ako nainlove. Hahaha.
Tawang-tawa ako sa sarili ko inlove na ba talaga ako? Ang problema ako lang
mag-isa ang nagmamahal paano mo masasabing mutual yun?
How sad naman po. Pero kung minsan
nasasabi ko na rin sa sarili ko keri na yan. Balang araw kaya ko na!
WHY DO CHURCHGOERS DON’T GO TO CHURCH ANYMORE?
Life without
Christ is pointless. This phrase reminds me of a homily from a priest in our
barrio. He is one of the brilliant priests I have ever met. He was confident
and loyal to his faith. This leads me to become a churchgoer.
Way back when I was a little curious
creature about my faith, I was inclined to this phrase. I always let people
know I do things according to God’s will. I have been an active church leader
and there I gained a lot about what exactly my faith is all about. And so, days
became years of service in church. I put myself in Christ whom I believe was my
friend. I joined a lot of religious groups, I prayed the rosary and novena, and
I also joined numerous youth gatherings. My life was filled of Christ-centred
activities. I feel I was loved.
But as time passed by and I aged
faster that I could imagine questions emerged and confusions became frequent.
Why do I do this? What exactly faith means? Is He really alive? Why do people go
to church and still do things the same as they use to be? Another factor is
that I got a really tough job after I graduated in college. And this triggers
me to stop everything. I cut ties to Christ whom I use to believe was with me.
I don’t go to church anymore not because I don’t have time but because of what
I have noticed. A lot go to church for some reasons: to date with loved ones,
to show newest trends of clothing, to be seen by many, the worst to pretend how
religious he or she. It was so disgusting to see those people. In addition to
these, some of our priests were not loyal to their vows.
I became Judas of my own. I want to
go to church but I couldn’t. I became ashamed in front of Him. I do things on
my own. I tried everything that was considered negative. And to tell you
honestly, I love what I am doing. What’s bad is good to me. Evil sparks in my
being. I became independent human who wants to set free. I was drowned to
negativity which leads me to become lonely. Yes, I do have friends and family
but I can’t feel them anymore. I was numb to love and became addicted to
loneliness.
My dreams turned into nightmares. My
world became dull and plain. I was too proud of myself that I was close minded
to every criticism I heard. I let evil succumbed me. Sometimes, I wish I was an
idiot who doesn’t care about his life. No worries and pain and just live his
life the way it is. How I wish I am ordinary.
Please help me to be me again. Pray
for me.
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